i’ve had anxiety issues from a very young age, and was finally diagnosed with panic disorder when i was 19. it’s pretty hard to keep my shit together all of the time when i’m not on medication (i used to take xanax, wellbutrin, and cymbalta). smoking pot usually brings on a panic attack, despite what a lot of people (friends) suggested. when i was young, talking about why i was upset would result in whomever i was speaking to essentially telling me to suck it up, my problems weren’t that bad, and that i was upset over nothing. i was told that my feelings/emotions were basically invalid and wrong. as i got older, i learned to just keep my mouth shut and if i was upset, to deal with it in private. for whatever reason, i wasn’t allowed to be upset. as a result, i don’t like to talk about feelings and, when pressed hard enough, will have an anxiety attack of massive proportions.
i’m not trying to get into my life story; that’s not what i do here, but i want to express to you how completely fucked up it is for someone to tell you that the way you feel is wrong. if a friend or a loved one is upset, then listen to them. i’m sure you’ve heard it a thousand times, but listening and hearing are not the same things.
Listening is not the same as hearing. You hear for your benefit but you listen for the sake of your partner. Listening then, is about putting the cares of your partner above yours to show that you care.
Good listening increases the quality of your relationship. It heals hurts, solves problems and creates ideas. On the other hand, if you refuse to listen, your partner withdraws because he or she feels his or her thoughts and opinions are not valued.i don’t think my parents didn’t love me, just perhaps that they were too busy to listen to an 11 year old’s reasoning behind having a panic attack (they also traveled a lot for business while i was younger and weren’t home). they didn’t know what was wrong with me so i can’t blame them for doing what they thought was best, however, i feel like had i had someone to listen to me when i was younger, i might have more trust in the people in my life today.
i don’t even know what the fuck i’m talking about anymore. i need a nap.
story of my life. exactly.
