My grandma’s wake was Wednesday and as soon as I saw her I broke down into an ugly crying mess. I had to go outside to find some sort of composure.  She looked beautiful in her blue dress. My grandpa tried to hold it together as best as he could but every so often, that tough old man couldn’t keep it in and he’d start to cry and that broke my heart even more. SO many people came. I’ve never seen prayer cards run out before but they did. She was very loved.

Thursday we went back to the funeral parlor and the immediate family said goodbye and went to the church for her Christian burial service. That was brutally sad. I kind of felt like an ass because we were sitting in the second row and I couldn’t remember any of the prayers or anything. I haven’t been to church in years and with everything on my mind, I just forgot everything. I don’t think anyone noticed though because even if I did know what to do, I was too busy wiping tears away to do it right anyway. At least I knew how to genuflect right. 

After the funeral, we had “breakfast” which was actually lunch, down the street at the same restaurant Eric and I had our reception, I had my baby shower, and my paternal grandmother’s funeral breakfast. (They were all in different halls, besides the other grandma’s breakfast.) It was absolutely freezing outside so Eric, Evie and I ran inside and my Papa was the only other one there at the time. They had happy music playing and a small dance floor so Evie decided it was time to dance and she made my grandfather dance with her. I think it was the first time he’d smiled in weeks. It was beautiful to see. That little girl is magic to everyone around her.

We ate (the food was awesome) and talked and my grandpa seemed to be doing ok, which was nice to see. By the time we left, everything felt lighter. 

When we came home we did a whole bunch of nothing and I did a lot of periodic crying. It was good though. I just sat around all day remembering the good times. All the times I slept over at my grandparents house and danced to polka music with my grandma in the kitchen, the 6 months we lived with them when my parents were getting divorced, going to bingo and thrift stores and the tiny dixie cups of milk and fig newtons she used to give me; a lot of stuff. I went to bed super early that night and when I woke up today, I felt a lot better.

At the wake, Eric explained to Evie what was going on as best as he could (although I wouldn’t have told her grandma could still hear her, but no biggie) and he took her over to see grandma and say goodbye. I guess she said goodbye and “I’ll miss you grandma” and then she got really quiet and sad for a minute. I think she kind of knew what was going on. After that Evie did her usual social butterfly thing and made a lot of people smile. She spent a lot of time with my grandpa and I was so happy she did. I think it took some of the pain of the situation away, if even for a couple seconds.

I was beyond proud of her through the whole thing. She was a perfect angel at the wake, sat still and quiet besides her tiny whispers to me and Eric at the final goodbye thing yesterday, (even after waiting for 30 minutes for it to start in complete silence) and during the 45 minute service she couldn’t have been better. (And that was the first time she’d ever been to church!) She sat there and listened, stood up when everyone stood up, sat on the bench when everyone kneeled and basically acted like a tiny grown-up the entire morning. Even at “breakfast” she sat nicely in her chair with her napkin on her legs and ate with everyone. I don’t even know how many people came up to us just to compliment her on how well behaved she was and to tell us we had a wonderful little girl. I just love that little angel. She even threw off the waitress by thanking her every time she brought her something, including her booster seat and her coat when it was time to leave. Never once did I or Eric have to tell her to sit down or be quiet. I don’t know if she felt the gravity of the situation or not because she’s always a good girl in public but she seemed to be on even better behavior Thursday. 

Thinking about it now, she acted exactly like my grandma would have wanted her to. My grandma was never a fan of children and she never had much patience for them, that is until Evie showed up. Evie changed everyone when she was born but she especially changed my mom and my grandma. Evie warmed both of their hearts so much it almost seems like they turned into different people. Even when my grandma was lost in her own mind, she talked about “the little one”. I was my grandmother’s only granddaughter (she had 3 grandsons and me) and Evie was her only great grandchild so she was pretty special to her.

Today, we went to the mall and Walmart and just had a light, good day. I added a couple more needles to my knitting collection, Evie added a poster to her Hello Kitty collection and Eric added a video game to his Xbox collection. Then we all added some Starbucks to our Starbucks addiction. Then we came home and I printed out a tiny Paris for Evie to play with and worked on one of my yarn things. 

Tomorrow, my mother-in-law is coming over to watch Evie and Eric and I are actually going on a date. A real one! Not just a night to go food shopping alone. We’re going to a nice restaurant (I don’t know where but Eric made reservations) and I’ll get to wear the dress I bought at Target the other day (and oh man, I look hot in it). I’m really excited about it. I can’t remember the last time he and I went out to dinner together, let alone somewhere I had to look nice for. 

Then Sunday, Evie, my Mom and I are going to watch Disney on ice! I know I saw it when I was little but I can’t remember any of it, so I’m excited about that too. My mom got fantastic seats, right on the edge of the rink, so it should be especially exciting for Evie (or Booger-Head, as I’ve been calling her recently. No, I don’t have a reason.). I’ll have to remember to bring cash for the crazy light things they sell. This is going to be the first arena anything Evie’s been to so it’ll definitely be good. I look forward to seeing her eyes light up at the sheer size of the place and then at everything else when it starts.

At least we’re going to have a nice end to the weekend. I think we all need it after this past week. Evie especially deserves it for being such an angel through the whole thing.